Having hope during this time was hard, but it brought me closer to God. I learned a lot about God and myself through this time. It taught me to trust and have faith. I’d like to share some encouragement through my personal journal that I kept during my miscarriages. Songs, bible verses and broken prayers that I prayed to God pleading for a child. A lot of this can be applied to an array of hard situations that you need hope during.

Hope was definitely my word that got me through it all.

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm & secure. Hebrews 6:19

Jesus said, ” let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Isaiah 40:29

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken. Isaiah 54:10

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then, you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you. Jeremiah 29:11-14

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation & be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

May the God of hope fill you with all joy & peace as you trust Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

“She holds onto hope for He is forever faithful”

But the Lord stood with me & gave me strength. 2 Timothy 4:17

Consider it pure joy, my brothers & sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish it’s work, so that you may be mature & complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

Fill my heart with joy. Psalm 4:7

You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth & clothed me with joy. Psalm 30:11

Very truly, I tell you, you will weep & mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. John 16:20

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4

“I don’t always understand what God is doing, but I do hold on to His promises & I know He will make a way.”

Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him. Truly, He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken… Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 65:5-8

And I will call upon your name. And keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise, my soul will rest, in your embrace. For I am yours and you are mine.   – Oceans, Hillsong

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak… But, those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not get weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:29-31

Almost – Rebekah Garvin… I had you then I lost you, just like that. You were mine, then you were gone, just like that. Then, my heart broke like shattered glass. It happened so fast. I almost had you, I almost held you, but you never got to see the sun, we almost became 3, we were almost a family, you were supposed to be the one. I wanted it to be you, I wanted it to be you so, so bad and I’ll never go a day without thinking about what we almost had. You were given, then taken just like that, now I’ll never be the same again, just like that. When your heartbeat stopped so soon, felt like mine did too. I saw your future in my mind, so beautiful and bright. I wondered what you would be like, cracking jokes or a little shy. I wanted to be in the front row at every game and every show, I wanted to watch you grow but now I’ll never know. Fly, baby, fly. Fly, angel, fly. Spread your wings and fly.

Afters – Broken Hallelujah… I can barely stand right now. Everything is crashing down and I wonder where you are. I try to find the words to pray. I don’t always know what to say, but you’re the one that can hear my heart. Even though I don’t know what your plan is, I know you’re making beauty from ashes. I’ve seen joy and I’ve seen pain. On my knees, I call your name. Here’s my broken hallelujah with nothing left to hold onto, I raise these empty hands to you. Here’s my broken hallelujah. You know the things that have brought me here. You know the story of every tear, cause you’ve been here from the very start.

Facebook entry from 2/17/15:

We decided early on that we would let everyone know when I found out I was pregnant because we wanted to celebrate and recognize life starts at conception. Even if that meant that we could lose the baby, but at least I wouldn’t have to keep the pain inside and that we would have prayers, support and encouragement from people who loved us. That being said, Josiah and I went into the doctors today and there was no heartbeat, I was 11 weeks and the baby was only measuring at 8 weeks. It has been a rough and emotional day. I will be going in for a D&C tomorrow and would appreciate prayers. I do believe God has a reason for everything and even though it was hard, I have been able to look at the positives.

Facebook entry from 2/23/15:

I never knew you, but I did love you. I was so excited to meet you and for you to be a part of our family. I was so excited to find out whether you were a boy or girl, whether you had red or brown hair or if you would take after your quiet, sweet daddy or me. There was so many people who were excited to meet you and love you. I thank God for giving you to me, even if it was such a brief time. I’m also glad that I will get to meet you up in heaven one day.

It’s so hard to watch others around me get pregnant, have healthy pregnancies and birth beautiful babies. It has always been my dream and hearts desire to be a mom. This is the hardest thing emotionally that I’ve ever had to go through.

Even though I am back to work, doesn’t mean I’m not hurting. Even though I show up to church, I’m trying to hold back the tears the whole time. Even though I smile and go on with my life, someone might say something to me and I immediately break down.

I don’t know why this happened to me, but I do know that God is a good God and that there is a reason for everything. That doesn’t mean it’s easier to walk through it. And I know I will be a mom someday, whether that means getting pregnant again or adopting.

As your love, wave after wave. Crashes over me. For you are for us, you are not against us. Champion of heaven. You made a way for all to enter in. You make me brave. You call me out beyond the shore into the waves. You make me brave, no fear can hinder now the love that made a way.  You make me brave – Bethel

Some kind and encouraging words I received along the way

Thank you for your stance on life, for being so candid and for your courage

You are an amazing woman to be so transparent.

Your openness is amazing! I wish I could have been as open with my pain when we faced infertility. It brings you love and support in a deeper way. My heart hurts for you and praying for the Holy spirit to comfort you and to allow healing tears to flow.

I love your heart, your strength and everything about you my beautiful girl.

You are a brave young woman and your love for God and mankind oozes out of your being. Proud of you brave girl.

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